The Benefits of Productive Conversations
It is valuable to have productive conversations with other humans, even if – especially if – you do not see eye-to-eye. Discussing opposing opinions may cause your perspective on a topic to evolve. It can also help to strengthen your arguments for why you disagree. The Socratic Method is a teaching strategy used in law schools that is based on the asking and answering of questions in order to spark critical thinking and to examine ideas and underlying presumptions. A good lawyer must understand all arguments for and against an issue in order to effectively advocate.
For contentious conversations to be productive, mutual respect from each participant is necessary. Here are some tips on how to have a respectful discussion with someone with whom you disagree.
First Decide: Is it Worth it?
The first step toward a productive conversation is determining whether it is even worth having. An important decision within a marriage will need to be discussed, no matter how uncomfortable. But with regard to a conversation with a friend about a very divisive political or religious topic, ask yourself why you want the conversation to happen. Do you want to try to change your friend’s mind? If so, reconsider. No one wants to hear a lecture. If you want to sincerely learn why she feels the way she does, it may be worth exploring with a close companion – if she is open to it. Some people welcome complex conversations, whereas others like to avoid conflict.
When in Doubt – Ask
If you are up in the air about whether a conversation topic is one you should broach – just ask. That way, you and the person with whom you are engaging can make a mutual decision. State that you are aware the topic is challenging, and you are fine if the other person would like to avoid it. If the response is enthusiastic and positive, it is likely safe to move forward. Any hesitation or guarding should be interpreted as a good reason to reconsider.
Keep a Neutral Tone
Setting a neutral tone starts from the beginning. If you ask a question about the other person’s perspective, do so in a way that shows you know the context of the topic without coming off as boastful. On the other hand, do not invite a condescending response by asking tentatively or apologetically. In other words, the tone of the question should not poke at either side’s feelings. If you start to detect emotional intensity, it may be time to change the subject. The tone of a person’s voice and statements like “I hate X” or the use of terms like “idiotic” or “stupid” are clear signs the conversation has moved away from neutral territory. They are also signs that the person does not want to hear any alternative perspectives.
Look for Points of Agreement
The goal of a productive conversation is not to name a winner and a loser, but for both parties to gain understanding and learn. It is constructive for each to be curious as to the other’s point of view and to seek areas of understanding and even agreement. A good way to do this is to listen to your conversation partner with an ear toward what makes sense to you, versus listening for points that you can disagree with.
Do Not Venture Into Debate or Diatribe
The goal is dialogue, with both parties listening and responding to each other. A basic formula for dialogue is to agree with some portion of what the other person has said (acknowledge their point of view) and follow that acknowledgment with your response. It is helpful to avoid using the term “but,” as it can cause your counterpart to feel like you are erasing what he just said. Try a “how” or “why” question instead or employ “at the same time…”
Resist the Provocative
We are at a very polarized and contentious time in history. A quick glance at social media will show you that many are participating in the trend of provoking others. That builds a divide, not a bridge. As individuals, we can only do our part to try to dig our way out of this adversarial mindset. Be a peacemaker, and take opportunities to neutralize emotional conversations. Instead of provocation, seek to disarm aggressive people by thoughtful word choices and the tone of your voice.
Watch the YouTube video posted by an educator about teaching young people the skills needed in order to have constructive conversations.
Sacramento Personal Injury Attorney
Thank you for reading the AutoAccident.com legal blog. I’m Ed Smith, a personal injury attorney in Sacramento. If you find yourself in need of an experienced and skilled car accident lawyer, my office may be able to help. Call us at (916) 921-6400 or (800) 404-5400 to speak with a case manager or injury lawyer. We are happy to offer compassionate, free, and friendly advice.
Photo Attribution: https://pixabay.com/photos/old-friends-conversation-555527/
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